Subtle_Fortitude

…strength of mind can be stronger than you think

Posts Tagged ‘life’

My Big Bang

Posted by nuruliman45 on February 28, 2012

It’s been almost a full year of not updating this blog of mine.  This place is just full of invisible cobwebs, aiya!

A kind of ‘big bang’ came to me today.

“SubhanALLAH.  Oh my goodness!  Cepatnya masa berlalu, rasa macam baruuuu je amek kereta tu… pejam celik pejam celik, dah setahun!”

You see, my car reached its first ‘birthday’ today.  Now, basically in Malaysia, if you own your own car (which you pay the installments on your own!), it means that you’ve moved to a next phase in life where you can be considered as an independent person.

It came to me that it’s been just a little over a year since I started working at the place I’m currently working at – UiTM Machang.  Yes, being a content young lecturer teaching English for diploma students. Now, something just drove me to post something after such  a long time of abandoning this ‘subtle_fortitude’ fortress of mine.  And, I could bet that it’s because having a year being passed makes you REALLY want to go through what you’ve actually been through in such a while before you move on to the next year.  Am I right?

Well, for the past year, I’ve learned SO MUCH.  ALLAH has taught me so many things, give me the opportunity to experience awesome new things, feel new feelings, get to know and be close with SO many wonderful people… all which I didn’t dream I would have known and felt before.

Something valuable that I can share today is that for the past half a year or so, ALLAH has given me the chance to feel a certain deep pain that I’ve never felt before.  If you ask me to describe it, I can’t actually describe what pain it is.  It’s a mix of in-denying self-confusion and the fight to do what’s right.  During my undergraduate years, problems were different.  They stayed complicated to merely a certain extent; not really complex.  But, as I started working, and staying again with my family, there have been so many things to consider.  ALLAH wants me to develop inner strength, and yes, gain subtle fortitude 🙂  What I went through would be another entry altogether.  So ‘ll stop here.

My ‘big bang’ thoughts today made me conclude that:

Maturity you cannot gain, without first experiencing pain.

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21 Already???

Posted by nuruliman45 on August 23, 2009

21 years old on the 21st of August…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY little sis… 😉

 

 

 birthday-cake

 …a special cake (from far), for a special sis….

 

[sorry for all the torture I’ve ‘gifted’ you for the past 21 yrs of your life.  Great ain’t it? huahua..

bit you (when little), teased you, tattled tailed on you, lectured you, and all the works..FORGIVE ME.]

 “May ALLAH bless you in all you do. 

May HE help you in finding HIM. 

May ALLAH reward you true contenment in this life and the hereafter… AMEEN.”

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My Heart Speaks… (1)

Posted by nuruliman45 on May 30, 2009

Hearing about the difficult times and all the emotional tests my big-housmate-sisters here go through in getting the right person to marry make me think to myself man am I lucky I’m still young!!


Why is everyone getting married??? Argh..>!

OK…let me list down all the people that I know is getting married (in my head)… her, him, her, her, her….

All the friends getting engaged soon? her, him, her, erm then, her, her, her….and the list goes on

P/S: a special congrats to my special ‘big sis’ who just tied the knot on the 16th of May in Kuantan..!  Hope GOD blesses every second of your ‘new life’..!  🙂

===

You see, my housmates are all older than me and most are at the ambang of graduating and going on with there next phase of adulthood:  preparation for berumahtangga.

….SO…story after story do I ‘accidentally’ listen to about all my big-housmate-sisters’ respective fairy tales and nightmares, plus complications in reaching their ‘happinesshood’.  Dilemmas here and there.  Having to make choices between 2 or 3 equally great guys (well, more accurately stated as gentlemen) that nak masuk meminang… Choices not parallel with what parents desire…happy times…sad times…the works!

What say me?

Hearing about the difficult times and all the emotional tests my big-housmate-sisters here go through in getting the right person to marry make me think to myself man am I lucky I’m still young!! …I don’t have to get my head all caught up in these emotional drag downs.  But obviously these are what all people go through in reaching true happiness after getting married; undergo test after test in finding the right person and finding the right time to get married.  Yup!  Young is great!! :-p

… Then …when hearing how one after another of my big-housmate-sisters receiving multiple ‘requests’, and how contented they are after they istikharah, and decide on the right person, I then start asking myself: When’s it my turn?  How would I know when the right time it is to ‘find’ that someone? I mean, most of my school friends already have someone they are confident will be ‘the one’ they’ll naik pelamin with one day.  Why shouldn’t I have someone?  Wouldn’t it be great if I too was confident with whom I’ll spend the rest of my life with? hmmm…

(It’s REALLY weird how I didn’t even think of all this junk last semester…is this the meaning of growing in maturity? haha…)

Hah! that’s all the heart of an average female adolescent speaking…!  🙂 The natural voices of any single gal going through the ups and downs of adolescence.

…whatever it is… this is my STAND:

No Love til akad

The present time is 100% for Islam, family, and studies…

The remaining question here is:  When is the right time? 🙂

~*`*~ Subtle_Fortitude ~*`*~

Ehem: My goodness!!!  it is true??? I’m actually talking about marriage..!!!

Ehem x2:  Hope you all don’t feel weird I’m suddenly pouring my heart out about this kind of stuff..!

Posted in Life's Like That | Tagged: , , , | 7 Comments »

Strength in Life Complications

Posted by nuruliman45 on May 24, 2009

STRENGTH IS WITHIN YOU..!

WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO SHINE…

Sometimes, everything seems to go wrong…and at times, I feel that one complication after another comes shooting at me.  I’m sure you also have times like these where calmness seems too far to be reached… We sigh while telling ourselves how life seems to be so difficult.

There are times when I just feel like

secluding myself in a quiet place at home,

away from Melaka,

away from leadership responsibilities on campus,

away from my academic struggle,

avoid responsibilities as an eldest child,

an eldest grandchild,

a holder of family dignity,

a role model for my 6 younger siblings,

and as a person having to take care of ever single thing one does.

Seems easy, huh…running away from it all.  In reality, it’s easy for only a split second!  The consequences of running from everything can even complicate your life even more…! :-p

The real way out

Whenever I come back to my senses, I realize that there’s something that gives true calmness: remembering ALLAH.  Going through all the difficulties because of HIM…wanting to attain HIS ultimate blessings.  HIS grace.  Its from these difficulties that I realize I’m never alone.  And its from these complications that I gain the strength I possess now…

….Absolutely, by remembering GOD, the hearts rejoice.

[Al-Ra’ad: 28]

..There’s truth in the lyrics from the song above! (Mestica – Mimpi Yang Indah)

…I can imagine my friends telling me this:

havefaith

~*`*~ Subtle_Fortitude ~*`*~

Ehem:  I have been sounding quite tense based on my recent entries…hey, a blog’s a blog… want to share it with readers 🙂  Don’t worry, hasn’t come to the extent of depression yet!! hehehe :-p

Posted in Life's Like That, Self-Enrichment | Tagged: , , , | 2 Comments »

Off you go, Little Bro…!

Posted by nuruliman45 on October 19, 2008

My fingers quivered as I tried to take the last few shots, using my mom’s ever-so-intricate cell phone, of my little bro from behind before he disappeared beyond the security gates leading to his airplane platform. I could hardly believe at that time that my grown-up little bro was leaving me. Tears ran down my cheeks as he gradually disappeared beyond my sight, heading towards a new journey in his life…

~*`*~

Newest change in my life: my little brother went off to Egypt to pursue medical studies.

It seemed just like yesterday how we were ‘kanak-kanak ribena’ , bubbly kids.. he’d do his little Power Ranger kicks at my sister and me where he couldn’t tell the difference between TV and reality. Meanwhile, my sister and I were always busy with our Barbie dolls 🙂 Then there were the common sibling rivalries where we would ‘tattle tail’ on each other all the time; life was all about being a kid then…!

Years passed by. from pulling at each others’ hair during early childhood times to pre-teenage life where we almost didn’t care about one another. haha. Those were the days…then as we got older, the three of us (my sis, bro, and I) learned to respect and care and watch out for each other, and also take responsibility of our 4 ‘much much’ younger siblings.

Change in Life

Of course, as being the eldest, my going-away from home to campus-life didn’t give much impact to anything because I was the only one gone from home, however my little bro’s departure to Egypt several days ago is a big sign that our life (the three of us) is going to seriously take its turn. It’s no longer constantly being together under one roof anymore…hey, we’re growing up. It scares me sometimes wondering how ‘the next change’ in life would be like. But this is certainly the beginning of it. It seems that it also scares my parents too. Once upon a time about 2 decades ago they had said goodbye to my grandparents to go overseas. Now they’re watching they’re own son going off leaving them. And so continues, THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.

Now, there’ll be no more :

– being able to check on him whenever I feel like checking on him

– punching him (he’s big, so doesn’t hurt him)

– yelling at him for picking at our ‘much much’ younger siblings

– bossing him around to do house errands

– worrying bout him for not coming back home early

Change in life is something we all go through – Puberty, changing schools, changing homes, new additions to the family, tertiary education, and the like. However, all these experiences are unknown until we actually experience it – knowing about something is totally different than experiencing something. We all know that. Its just that you don’t know that you’re going to undergo something big ONCE you actually undergo it. As a matter of fact, I didn’t expect I’d feel that my little bro’s departure would affect as much as it did on my family and I.

Day by day, our circle of life continues. One thing turns to another. One challenge grows to another. Life is scary, but that’s the beauty of it – it’s unpredictable.

So… the tears at the airport that day wasn’t just because my little bro was going away, but it was because of a deeper feeling: our childhood years are no more because things will never be the same again….

~*`*~

Good luck in Egypt, Little Bro! Make our family proud… 🙂

Posted in Life's Like That | Tagged: , , , , | 4 Comments »