Subtle_Fortitude

…strength of mind can be stronger than you think

Archive for November, 2010

SPSS!!!

Posted by nuruliman45 on November 9, 2010

For the past almost 2 months, my big endeavor: SPSS!!

Being in my last semester of my degree years (YEaH!!!), we TESLians have to complete an Academic Exercise (we all shorten it to ‘AE’).  We all see it as a miniature thesis.

My title:

English Language Classroom Anxiety:  A Comparative Study Among Special Programme and Regular Programme School Students

 

Going back to what I was saying… SPSS… I’d like to share with you my struggle with it.  3  reasons why it has been a BIG challenge for me:

1)  I am SO not good with numbers.

I am a visual type person, to understand anything, I need to be able to picture it.  Find it difficult to understand why everyone wants a mean and standard deviation for everything! LOL…(*thank you to Puan Wan Hartini & En. Norazman for helping me get cleared on that)

2)  My data was not going easy on me.

Life could be easier if my data was straight forward and gave out results the way most past research I read through did.  Unfortunately for me, it didn’t.  A lot of stuff came out insignificant and contradict one another and stuff…  leaving me to work out other methods in the SPSS to give me results I can use for my discussion.  ANOVA, paired Sample t-test, Reliability analysis, independent t-test??? AARGH…

My supervisor is one of those perfectionist kind of types, and wanted me to make sure my procedures absolutely follow the right statistical methods.  So a lot of SPSS studying went on throughout these 2 months!!  (did I mention my Hari Raya holiday was given a fair portion to SPSS??? – yup, early mornings/late nights SPSS, those other times would go to actual berhari raya)

3)  Have to juggle with all other heavy subjects.

I found out that in other universities, last semesters would go fully to last semester projects.  Even if there were any subjects, it would be ‘light’ ones.  Well, we juggled both.

So this past semester was all about heavy assignments + AE (SPSS!!)

Rajin betul UiTM ni….huhuhu

So, did I get anything from all this??

An absolute yes!

Sure, my other peers didn’t have to struggle with their SPSS as much as I did.  Perhaps their data was more cantik. Certain friends who started later than me were able to submit AE earlier than I could.

But, due to all I’ve learnt throughout the struggle – the unreliable reliability, contradicting data,  the hundreds of online SPSS tutorials, SPSS lecturer consultations, I feel I am much more prepared to face my future masters! (thank you Mdm Aida!)

This all taught me patience, perseverance, determination.  Yezza!

I like to remind myself:

“What doesn’t kill you just makes you stronger.

That’s the secret behind ALLAH’s trials.”

Thank you ALLAH! 🙂

 

One of the many tutorials I went through (very helpful):

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I Love my Mommy…

Posted by nuruliman45 on November 2, 2010

“Mommy…”I would call from the kitchen. “Oh, mommy…”

I go back to Kelantan only once every few months, so some amnesia thing goes on where I can’t remember where certain kitchen tools, or other certain things are placed in the kitchen.  That’s how I call Mak when I try to find something. 🙂

Mak patiently answers to my call and and shows me whatever is needed.  Well, that’s my way to be manja with Mak for a sec.  “Mommy…” hehe.  She would never negatively reply back and say something like “Ape panggil mommy-mommy nih, mak is enough.”  Sabar Mak ye…..

 

Being in Melaka, whenever a problem makes me tense or a bit ‘off’, Mak’s just a phone call away.  Just need to talk to her to soothe my emotions; tenangkan jiwa.

At times, when calling Mak, I would actually tell Mak what’s going on, what my problems are, express all my worries… to get advice from Mak.  So Mak would actually know that her eldest daughter over here in Melaka is going through a major earth-toppling dilemma.  But, at other times, when I feel stressed, I would call mak just to hear her calm voice and ask about any new things that are happening at home.  Perhaps ask about my cute little 4-year old sister and what are her new progresses.  From mimicking people to ordering people around, to becoming an extreme barbie-pc-game freak..haha… that little spoiled dwarf :-p I miss her so much….Hanis…

 

Mak is always willing to spend her precious time in updating me on whatever needs to be updated.  Yup, being the oldest sister, have to always keep progress of the younger ones.  Mak understands that.

Like I was saying, at times, I would just ask what goes on at home.  I wouldn’t actually tell Mak that I’m stressed out.  Because I know, if I do, Mak would start to worry.  I’m sure she’d be worrying more than I worry about myself.   So I don’t tell her that I’m stressed out….I just try to laugh and joke around with Mak to let my tense go away…I just ask of her du’as…

Mak’s du’as are priceless…..

Sometimes I think to myself, how can Mak be so understanding of me?  When I feel like the whole world is putting pressure on me, and the sky seems to be falling, but at the end of the day, I could still turn to my Mak for shelter.  There are times where not one person could understand problems I face or what I really want, even myself.  But Mak could understand.

I think to myself…. what kind of ‘magic’ has ALLAH given to all these mothers to make them such special and wonderful people.  The sincerity within their hearts for what they do for their children it above all the noblest of noble.  SubhanALLAH.

“We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth..”

(Al-Ahqaf:15).

I am now in my last month of my degree years.  Have I taken for granted everything my Mak has to offer…yes, I have… astaghfiruLLAH…  How I envy my little sister who gets to stay at home and help Mak.  What am I able to do for Mak from Melaka?

 

 

Forgive me Mak, for all my wrongdoings…

You are the QUEEN of my heart, Mak….Mommy 🙂

I LOVE YOU…..


 

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